The End of the Road

This is a very sad post, and I am not looking forward to writing it. We have officially come to the end of the road with the adoption, at least at this point. We have been told that even if the Ministry of Health would grant us special approval to adopt (because the minor issue we spoke of before would show up on a medical form), we would still have a chance of being told we cannot complete the adoption by the judge. By the time we went to court to finalize the adoption, we would have been in Katya's country for several weeks and have spent a significant amount of time with her. We also would have spent the majority of the money needed for the entire adoption, all with the risk that we could not bring her home at all. So we feel that it is unwise for us to continue and that it is better for Katya that we allow another family the chance to adopt her instead of spending many months in the process of trying while "holding" her only for ourselves.

This has been heartbreaking, to say the least. We feel that somehow God has a plan for Katya and for our family and that this whole situation can be used for His good. Already, the wonderful people at Reece's Rainbow have suggested that they are making efforts to change the system in Katya's country (not an easy task, to be sure) so that the problem we ran into won't stop others from adopting or at least so that others might know that they are ineligible before starting the adoption process.

Thank you, everyone, for reading this blog, for leaving us encouraging messages, for praying for us, and for donating to our adoption. All money that was donated will stay in Katya's grant fund for the family who decides to adopt her or will be donated to the medical trip taking place to help Katya and others in her orphanage.

I will keep this blog going for now to update on the medical trip and on whether or not a family has been found for Katya. Maybe someone who is reading this blog is that family. And I certainly know that many of you are praying for Katya and will continue to pray for her.

Update

I am going to try to provide an update, but once again, it is going to have to be vague. There is a particular issue that is likely to prevent Jon and me from being candidates for adopting from Katya's country. We aren't comfortable putting the issue on our blog in general because it is a public blog, but it is not at all a big deal from a US perspective. As a matter of fact, it is nothing that I ever imagined would be a problem for us, so we were completely surprised a month ago to find out that it could be a problem. We had already finished the home study, filed our INS application, etc. and had never come across this issue as being a problem. It seems that Katya's country doesn't make easily accessible rules and regulations that allow perspective couples to know these kinds of things in advance.

Since that point when I first wrote about the possible roadblock, people from Reece's Rainbow have been working hard with the in-country facilitator to try and find a way around our problem. So we have had a week of believing our chances of adopting Katya are completely "0", then a week believing that it still might be able to happen because of some new information, then another week finding out that it might possibly happen but that the chances are quite low. At this point, we are waiting once again for the in-country contact to check on one final thing that might possibly help. But just to be honest, it is not looking very good.

This has been heart wrenching for us, and I am sometimes coping ok and other times not well at all. Last week, Jon and I felt that there was not enough chance of us being able to go forward to even keep trying. We felt it would be better to let Katya be posted as "available" again on the RR site again, so that a family with a better chance could try to adopt her. Today, we're not sure. We keep thinking, "What if? What if we quit trying and no one adopts her? What if we quit now and there is a way we just haven't thought if?" And I've been trying to figure out how long to fight and when to surrender. And I just don't know. I really don't know.

So please pray for us, and even more importantly, pray for Katya. We don't want to abandon her. We also don't know how much longer we can fight for something that seems impossible instead of letting it rest.

I just wanted to post quickly to say that there are still no updates. Hopefully soon!

Since I posted last week, a lot has happened. I am not going to go into all of the details here on the blog, but we have run into a MAJOR bump in the road, the type of bump that may become a complete road block. Currently, we are waiting to hear back from our in-country contact about any possible way to work around this. Thank you so much to everyone who has already expressed concern and support for us during this time (most of you without even knowing of our most recent obstacle!); it means so much to us to have this support. Please pray that God's will be done and that if a decision from us becomes required as options arise, that we will make the right decision. We know we need to stay close to God during this time so that we can clearly receive His guidance, so pray that we will be able to do this.

I think that's all I'll say for now, but we are more than happy to discuss the details privately with anyone. Thank you again for your prayers and love and support. I will update as there is news.

I've been having a very hard time writing anything on the blog the past few weeks. I think it is because I have been feeling discouraged. All of the little things that have been happening which will make adopting Katya more difficult have added up to me feeling disheartened. By no means am I disheartened enough to give up, but I am feeling tired and numb. I think that maybe my heart has gone into self-protect mode, realizing that something might stop this adoption and not being able to bear the thought of Katya never having a family and growing up in an institution with no future.

Or maybe, and I think more likely, I have realized the obvious fact that by giving Katya a home, I am only helping 1 out of millions of suffering children. I think that when we first decided to adopt Katya, I was able to funnel all of my energies into the process, thus pushing aside momentarily my burden for the countless abused and neglected children around the world. But after many long days of hearing many sad stories (I'm a child therapist), I am ever reminded that nothing I can do will fix the awful truth that children are abandoned and mistreated everyday. And giving Katya a good home will not necessarily help the many other children left behind.

But that is why some wise people remind us that adoption cannot be just a mission, and I know this. But for me it is a mission, as well as a wonderful journey to adopt the child that I believe is meant to be my daughter.

And I also need to try to remember that, though I cannot save all the little children that I work with and even more so, all of the orphans and homeless children around the world, we as a whole can make a difference in their lives. We as a family can make a difference, we as a church can make a difference, and we as a society can make a difference. As soon as we are willing to place value on children and to remember that each of their lives is sacred and special AND as soon as we are willing to actually DO something about these sentiments, then we can make a difference. When I don't know what else to do, I lean towards melancholy and, though I am ashamed of it, apathy. But I do believe that there is hope and that I need to pray for the energy and stamina to do my part. And I hope that each of you will to.

Well, tomorrow was expected to be a big day for families hoping to adopt from Katya's country, as we were told that the bill that could put a moratorium on international adoptions was up to be voted on tomorrow. But I have recently heard that no such thing is going to happen and that this proposed bill has disappeared altogether. (Of course, everything I find out is rumor to some extent.) But this is very good news for now!

We are still dealing with the fact that Katya's disability is not listed as a condition that would help her to be adopted sooner (instead of waiting months and months for a dossier submission date), but we can only pray and hope for now. We have heard that there is also a bill waiting to be approved that could change this, also.

We had our homestudy visit last week, and it went well, I think. It really only consisted of an interview with Jon and myself and a quick inspection of our home. The social worker was very positive and let us know that she'd send a draft of the homestudy when it was completed. So I'm thinking that all went well.

The only downside of the homestudy being pretty much done is that I now feel the urgent need to get organized and start gathering everything I need for the dossier. Some of the requirements seem quite obscure and, to be honest, I am feeling a little frazzled and burnt out before even getting started. But I am taking a couple days away with my mom this weekend to pray, think, and talk, so I am hoping that I will come back rejuvenated and ready to get to work!

Hurry Up and Wait

Of course we've all heard the saying "Hurry up and wait," and it is especially familiar to those who have adopted. This being my first adoption, I am certainly feeling what it's like to be frantic and still all at once, and I cannot say that I really like the experience. It's not just the physical hurrying followed by a period of physical waiting. It's the constant sense of urgency to save Katya combined with the knowledge that I am completely helpless to do it quickly. I think maybe this relates to our "fight or flight" instincts that get us all revved up and full of adrenaline when there is an imminent situation at hand. "Katya NEEDS to be rescued right NOW," says my autonomic nervous system, but my brain says, "There is no way you can move faster. Your actions can't make this go any faster." But the constant "fight" mode my body is in is draining. A normal "fight" or rescue may take hours at best, and then the body and mind can rest and rejuvenate. But this could take much, much longer.

When I was expecting to have Katya in September, my body was in super adrenaline mode, and I was thinking non-stop about every detail that needed taken care of. Now that things are so sticky and chances of getting her anytime soon are slim, I feel like my adrenaline cycle has gotten thrown out of whack. And I don't know if I should spend 4 hours a day learning Russian, start preparing Sara for a sister to arrive, start buying furniture for Katya's (shared) room, and raise funds ceaselessly OR if I can do all these things as they are needed but also just have some time to relax and prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It truly is a crazy experience, this not knowing when Katya may be able to come home.

Not too much new news otherwise. We are pretty set on most of our home study paperwork. Our Ohio background checks, which I requested well over a month ago have not been received yet, though. I don't think it was supposed to take this long. We have a fire inspection and two vet appointments Friday. Then Tuesday is our home study visit, and Wednesday is our Immigration Services fingerprints appointment.

I am feeling really sad about the news I posted yesterday. I don't want Katya to have to wait any longer for a family; every month is such a long time when you've only lived for 4 years. When I thought we'd get her in September, there was so much to prepare so quickly that I had very little time to think about Katya being in the orphanage. But now that it may be what seems like forever until we can go to her, I feel so helpless and so sad for her. And somehow she has become much more real to me, and I feel like she is already a part of our family. And I just want to get to her before her development is any further delayed or before any more psychological damage is done. But I know that it is not in my control.

But we're praying for her and thinking of her all of the time. Even Sara is pretending to write her letters. Yesterday, she spoke as she scribbled, "For Katya- Love you." It is amazing to me that my 20 month old comprehends so much of this process. And I can't wait for her to have a sister.

Some "Not So Good" News (But Also an Exciting Opportunity)

Apparently, back in February a new policy in Katya's country reduced the number of diseases that allow for an expedited dossier submission. The new list has only 12 conditions on it, and Katya's is not one of them. What this basically means it that, where Katya did have a chance of being adopted before her transfer to the institution and before her country (possibly) halts adoptions for awhile, there is now a much smaller chance that this will happen. If we do not somehow get around the new policy, we are probably looking at something like February, 2010 to bring Katya home instead of September, 2009 like we originally thought. So this is really bad news for Katya. We are hoping that a new policy will be passed soon (supposedly one is in the works) and that the orphanage director at the "baby house" where Katya now lives will hold her there for us and not allow her to be transferred to an institution when she turns 5. Please pray for this and for Katya's health and psychological well-being in the meantime.

On a positive note, I have been meaning to talk about a very special medical missions trip for quite a while now. It is called Little Loaves and Fishes and has been coordinated by a wonderful woman name Hope Anne who has prayed for Katya for quite sometime. Inspired by Katya's situation, she has recruited 2 doctor to travel to Katya's orphanage and to help with the medical needs of the children there! She is hoping to travel as soon as possible but is still trying to raise all of the funds needed to send the 2 doctors and a helper. I think that she needs to raise about $3500 still. You can donate at http://mysite.verizon.net/resss9if/torussiandbackagain/donate.html using Paypal and can read more about the trip there.

I am personally very excited about the trip now more than ever. I am hoping that Hope Anne can talk to the orphanage director to assure him that family is coming for Katya. I am also hoping that the doctors can do something to help with any pain that Katya is experiencing. And, of course, the doctors and Hope Anne can give Katya a lot of love and pray over her. That will be very comforting to me. And maybe this medical trip will be the first of many that can really help these kids!

I realize that a few people who read the blog don't know me or my family in "real life," so thought I'd give a quick introduction. I really appreciate the fact that some people are following the adoption because they knew about, loved, and prayed for Katya even before we had committed to adopting her. There is one very special story that involved someone praying for Katya well before I had even thought about adopting, but I am going to save that story for it's own post because it is really awesome.

Anyways, Jon and I have been married for 6 years. We have lived in quite a few places around Ohio (and a brief stint in Pennsylvania) since getting married. Jon went to Penn State and is a loyal fan. I went to Liberty in Virginia and just loved the beautiful mountains and the slightly more laid back lifestyle. I HATE driving in snow and didn't have to deal with snow very much in Virginia, but for some reason we can't seem to move out of Ohio (though we've tried many times!). Jon's degree was in Hotel and Restaurant Mngt, and he worked in that for awhile and didn't really like it. Now he drives around all day and inspects properties, which he likes a lot. I have an M.Ed. in Counseling and currently work part-time as a therapist for kids with Asperger's or Autism. Jon and I also have an amazing, silly, active and very talkative daughter. She is 20 months old, and we love her beyond words. We have so much love for her, in fact, that we knew it was just too much love not to be shared with another child. That is a big part of why we want to adopt Katya. And she will add even MORE love.

I think I covered all the basics. And I do thank everyone who takes the time to read this and those who have offered such wonderful words of encouragement to us in this journey.

Oh, by the way, we received out finger print appt dates today in the mail. The appt will be May 27, the day after our one and only in-home social worker visit. Once the homestudy and fingerprints are turned into the Immigration Services office, we will be well on our way to getting the form we need from Immigration Services, and then all we have to do is submit the dossier!

I found these pictures at the Life 2 Orphans website. They were taken in January 2007 during a medical outreach trip. Isn't she so precious?

I neglected to provide an update about Katya's adoption earlier so I will now. Just the nitty gritty details.

Tomorrow is Jon's doctor's appointment to get needed papers signed. The requirements for Katya's country are very strange, and Jon's doctor acted taken aback when he described them to her. So we're hoping she'll cooperate tomorrow. We're also hoping to apply for our passports tomorrow.

My brother has volunteered to help with fundraising and is going to make some calls to his football and music friends to see what he can get them to donate. Then we're planning to sell what he collects on e-bay. I have a few other fundraising ideas, too. Some friends from Facebook have already generously donated, which was really unexpected and made me feel good. I also found out that the state has a $1500 tax credit on top of the federal tax credit; it may take a couple of years to collect the money back from our taxes, but that makes taking a loan feel a little less risky. So money stuff is looking pretty good, relatievly speaking, I'd say. And thanks to everyone who has already helped out!

Also, I have been doing lots of "researching" about Katya's medical issues ("researching" means "googling"). And I really feel that Katya may not have Crouzon's Syndrome at all, which is her given diagnosis. From looking at lots of pictures and making connections between lots of articles and websites I've perused, I actually think she might have plagiocephaly with torticollis and possibly hip-joint dysplasia. Overall, this is GREAT news. It means that her brain growth has probably not been affected. Also, she can probably have a very simple neck surgery to correct the torticollis (sideways neck), which probably caused the plagiocephay (misshapen head). The sad thing is that this all would have been very likely correctable when she was an infant without any surgery at all had she received appropriate therapies.

So that's it. And we are just praying all will go smoothly and quickly.

Sweet Reality

I am enjoying a perfect hour, lounging on my parents' couch on the porch while Sara sleeps, feeling the wind sweep past me, and savoring dark chocolate and coffee with real, full-fat cream. Close to perfection.

Although whenever Sara sleeps, I have this slight anxiety that something will interrupt her sleep too early and that the enjoyment will come to an abrupt halt with no gentle segue back to reality. I need a transition and nothing irritates me more than when moments I have looked forward to and allowed to become larger than life in my mind are unpleasantly disturbed by the things I can't control.

It's hard to decide sometimes if the wonderful experience of savoring a moment so much that I can't bear to see it part (as well as thinking over and over again ahead of time just how wonderful I expect the experience to be) is worth anxiety of trying to control my everything and the utter disappointment when (of course!) each and every time I cannot. Over the years, I have decided more and more to trade the feelings of excitement for those of a relaxed and laissez faire lifestyle. I have missed my time romanticizing but have not missed the anxiety one bit.

Sorry for that 3 paragraph tangent. It kind of ties into the adoption, though. I guess that anything can. I have tried not to overly romanticize the forthcoming experience of meeting Katya for the first time, so as not to have to suffer the anxiety of over planning and acting rigid and uptight trying to make things go my way while I'm overseas. I am figuring that if I don't expect much, I'll be better able to just go with flow. But I do long for that moment that I can hug and hold Katya and just let her know that finally she has a family who will love her and take care of her. I worry about her medical needs and her emotional needs and worry that she might be in pain all the time because of her neck being to one side all of the time. But I just don't let myself think about it too much.

Well, the phone rang and the dogs started barking. My perfection has come to an end. Back to sweet reality.

Happy Mother's Day! I was able to spend my day with both my mother and my grandmother, and it was a wonderful day. My brother grilled pizzas and really good turkey burgers for an early dinner. It was awesome food, and my brother is a great cook. I really just have a great family overall, and I cannot imagine life without them. Honestly, one of the reasons that I feel so comfortable adopting is because of the amazing people that I know will love my future child. My parents and grandmother have given so much love and time to Sara, and I know that they will do the same for Katya. They have sacrificed their time, money, emotional and physical energy in order to show their love to my daughter (and to me, my brother, and my husband). They are incredibly generous, full of life and laughter, flexible and inexhaustible, talented educators, and just amazing people! But most important, they have so much love and freely give it away. And I feel that there is just too much love to keep it all to ourselves. There is plenty more for another family member. And I am so excited for Katya to be able to be a part of our family. I am truly blessed.

Well, we haven't been at this adoption adventure for too long yet, but I would say that the past week has been the most difficult so far. We've been running into a couple of minor obstacles, such as having difficulty getting the medical paperwork we need for the country we are adopting from, but these all seem to be easily resolvable with a little extra effort. Our notification came today from Immigration Services, and it had boxes that were supposed to be checked to tell us what we need to do, but nothing was checked. We are not allowed to call the Immigration office without an appointment, and the letter stated that we should not try to contact them until it has been at least 45 days since they have received everything needed to complete the I-1600 A petition (but without the check boxes we don't even know what more we need.) It cost us $830 to have their office process our application (which is a whopping 2 pages long!), so the stringent requirements NOT to contact the office seem a bit crazy. And I am a bit of an over-jealous rule followe. Maybe Jon can break the rules and e-mail the office...?

But like I said, all the little paperwork things have been pretty minor, and I think we'll get through it all. What has been really hard has been balancing the adoption paperwork demands with the normal craziness of our everyday lives. And it was an abnormally crazy week. Jon started a new aspect of his job, which kept him away from home a lot. My brother came in from RI to visit for the weekend. I had some problems at work, which still have not been resolved and have been stressing me out a bit.

On top of all that, we've been telling a lot more people about the adoption lately. And we've gotten a strange mix of causal support, excitement, and aggressive lines of questioning...each response from different sets of people, of course. And honestly, that's been a bit hard. It is already difficult for us to stay the course and follow through on doing something that we know full well will make our lives much more challenging in many ways, but it has become extremely hard to keep myself on course and defend against concerns from well-meaning people. We didn't get any of this when I was pregnant, just lots of well wishes and cute pink baby outfits! :)

Also, I sent out a kind of anouncement about the adoption to some people via e-mail and facebook. I didn't want to just suddenly have a 5 year old in 3 months with everyone totally confused about how that happened, but it seemed wierd to send out this general announcement. Also, I took the chance to let people know that we could really use any donations to help make getting Katya home a reality. Until today, I wasn' sure if I would mention the money part of it at all to people, but I did, and I feel kind of wierd about it. But the truth is, we really want to save Katya from a horrible future and possibly even death at an institution, and though humbling to make our financial need know, it will be worth it for Katya.

So that's the long and short of it (I'm not really sure if that saying applies here, but I like the way it sounds). Now I am off to do some more paperwork. Fun.

Working in Slow Motion

Have you ever had a day where your brain and body seem to be literally moving in slow motion? That's how I'm feeling today. And Jon, too. It really stinks when both spouses have a slow day on the same day. We have been attempting to clean up the house since 8:30 this morning, and it is nowhere near cleaned up. Of course, it doesn't help that Sara likes to "help" us clean up by dumping water on the floor, unfolding clothes we've just folded, etc. And she's reached a new stage where she wants either Jon or I with her all of the time. She takes our hands and drags us with her to play, and we cannot resist because she is so precious. When she wants us to stop what we're doing so that she can sit in our lap, she says, "Hold ya." It is so cute and a constant and irresistible temptation to stop working and just be with Sara.

I talked with the home study worker last night. She just went over the checklist of all that we need to do for the home study, and we're well on our way. There were a couple of random things I had forgotten about or didn't know about, such as having a fire extinguisher in our kitchen, calling the fire department to do an inspection of our home, drawing out an evacuation plan, getting our pets' shots updated. But there was nothing too overwhelming. The person I talked to last night said that the social worker will probably come for our one and only home visit in mid-May. So from there, we will just have to submit the home study to USCIS and wait for approval. Then we'll compile and submit our dossier, and then we'll hopefully get a travel date.

I was looking at someone's blog yesterday, the blog of a family who is adopting from the same country that we are. They recently sent their dossier and received word from the country that it would be officially submitted in September. I was perplexed since we were lead to believe that it would only take 3-6 months to bring Katya home total, so I e-mailed the coordinator we're working with at Reece's Rainbow. She said that for most of the special needs kids who they help to find homes, there is no wait for the dossier to be submitted, but there is a long wait when adopting typical kids. We are not completely sure if Katya's condition (Crouzon Syndrome) falls on the "official list" that would qualify her for quick submission. Apparently, this "official list" is not published, so we have no way of finding out. The coordinator did say that she will have the facilitator (the in country contact who first found and referred Katya) submit a picture of Katya with the dossier to clarify that she does indeed have a special need. Anyways, this is something we need to pray about. The extra time to prepare would actually be a good thing for us, BUT it would not be a good thing for Katya since she is scheduled to be institutionalized soon and since intercountry adoptions have an unstable future in her country right now. Because of these factors, we hope to get her fast! So we will pray that God's will be done in all of this.

By the way, you may have noticed that we never mention Katya's country of origin. We are not supposed to due to privacy laws in that country, so we will definitely respect that. When we travel, we will set our blog to private so that we can discuss more specifics about where we are. And we can invite anyone interested to be able to follow the blog while we are away.

Sara an I have had a great morning at the library and the park. At the park, we got totally wet going in puddles and sliding down dirty, wet slides. My back side was completed soaked, and I realized that I honestly didn't care if anyone saw my wet behind. And since we took my car, I didn't have to worry about getting Jon's car muddy (which he is not a fan of!). So that was fun. I love this time of year in Ohio.

Jon set up his doctor's appt for next week and is going to get his blood drawn and his fingers printed today. Our checklist is dwindling, and I think we have gotten mostly everything I had hoped to get done this week completed. I have a phone appt with the homestudy social worker tonight, and then there is only one actual home visit.

I also started to think about how we will set up the girls' room since we only have a 2 bedroom condo. I am deciding if we should transition Sara into a bed before or after Katya arrives and how and where we will fit everything. I am not the best at matching and decorating, so I am hoping that my mom will help me this summer. She's great at that kind of thing.

At the library

I'm feeling discouraged today and can't tell if it has anything to do with the adoption or not. Sometimes I get this deep awareness of how dark the world is, and when this happens, it really affects my spirit. I have been unpleasantly surprised lately by how commonplace cruel teasing is amongst kids. When I ask the kids I work with how they've been teased lately, the overwhelming response has been that they've been told to "Go kill yourself." I have no idea how or why telling someone to kill themselves has gained popularity, but it is so awful that I just can't fathom how there are so many kids willing to say it to other kids. And most of the kids I work with are the last kids in the world who need to be told that. I was walking in the hallway with a student today at a local high school when another student called the student I was with a very inappropriate and derogatory name, right in front of me- the adult! I just feel sad about it all. And some days it makes me inspired to try to help the situation, and some days it just makes me sad. Today it makes me sad.

What does this have to do with our adoption? Hopefully nothing. I was thinking about both Katya and Sara having to live in this world that can be so cruel, though. And it may be particularly hard for Katya, since she doesn't look 100% normal.

On a good note, I got my BCI and FBI fingerprints done at lunch. I also got my blood drawn for my STD tests. In the lab room, right next to another patient, the nurse loudly announced, "You have to sign this before we can run the HIV test." Talk about HIPPA violations; I thought that was amusing and was thankful the other patient didn't know me.

Anyways, I'm gonna go watch Lost. I've got 3 minutes to get downstairs.

Moving and Shakin'

There is so much to do. I have sent our Ohio background check requests, scheduled a doctor visit, got lab orders for STD tests (fun!), completed and sent the homestudy application and fee, got a bunch of documents notarized at the bank, and I'm about to send the "Application for Advance Processing of Orphan" petition to the USCIS Cleveland office.

I have a checklist of all the things I'm hoping will get done in the next few weeks and have put stars by the ones Jon needs to be directly involved in. And he's been faster than me on a few of them! Because of the threat of a moratorium on adoptions in Katya's country, we are hoping that we can get the whole process complete and be on our way to Katya in 3-4 months. That time frame is a bit scary for 2 reasons. # 1- I am scared we won't be fast enough and Katya will be abandoned to an institution. # 2- We will have another child in 3-4 months! It's like being 6-7 months pregnant and having just found out about the pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Sara, I needed the whole 10 months to get ready for her. Now in 3, we have to do more paperwork than I've ever had to do for anything, spend more money than I've ever had to spend for anything but house and car (and Katya's MUCH more important than house and cars), get our home ready, get Sara ready, make work arrangements...you get the picture. So if you have a chance to say a prayer for us while we're on this journey, we could certainly use it! I think this journey will test (and strengthen) our faith in both God and in our marriage.

I didn't share much info about Katya yet, so I will share briefly now. Honestly, we don't know much. We just know that she is in a "baby" orphanage for now and will likely be sent to an institution for people with disabilities at age 5. We have heard that many kids don't survive their first year at the institutions. Katya has been diagnosed wit Crouzon's Syndrome, but some doctors who have reviewed her pictures in the US aren't sure that's what it really is. If it's not Crouzon's, it is probably some other sort of craniosyntosis from birth trauma. Either way, it is likely that her skull bones fused together too early, not allowing room for her brain to grow normally (probably an overly simplified explanation from a person who hs never even taken an anatmoy class (me)). According to her orphanage caregivers, she is comepletely typically developing at this point, but the brain grows until 12 years old, so we still need to get medical treatment for her ASAP. So that's about all we know. And we are so very excited to learn more when we get to Katya and meet her!

Katya- Here We Come!

After lots and lots of praying and thinking and talking and stressing, we have decided to commit to trying to adopt a very special little girl named Katya. We have already been amazed and totally blessed by the circumstances that have helped guide us to our decision.

Here's the story in brief:

I have had a strange interest in adoption for many years. Even before I was anywhere close to being ready to start a family, I read about adoption, dragged my mother to a conference about adoption, and looked at profiles of waiting children in the US. Looking back, I really have no idea why I have had this burden for these kids specifically. No one in my family is adopted, not did I have any close friends who were adopted. I know that I have always loved the Bible verse that talks about religion that is pure being to help widows and orphans. It just seems so right and so like Christ to love those who are helpless. God adopted me in my helplessness! But otherwise, I have no direct connections with adoption in my own life.

I have also always been drawn to being with people with special needs. This makes more sense to me. My mother is a special education teacher, and I spent lots of time with her students. My family always seemed surrounded by those with disabilities or just those who were unique. I befriended kids with special needs at school. I took summer jobs working with them. I am now a professional counselor working mostly with kids with Asperger's and Autism. And I just genuinely love being around people who are uniquely "abled". It is a blessing.

So, with those two factors in the equation, all that was needed was the right timing. And I wouldn't have picked now. But I think that God picked now for us. My heart had begun opening to the possibility of adopting "now" during the holiday season this past year, and God has been working on my heart ever since. And He's been working on Jon's heart. Jon is amazing, so maybe it takes a little less time to open his heart. When I told him about Katya, he waited about a week and then said, "Ok." But I am getting ahead of myself.

I noticed Katya on the Reece's Rainbow website (a non-profit group helping orphans with special needs find homes) a little over a month ago and felt a tug at my heart . I showed Jon a week or so later, after having an overwhelming feeling that someone was praying very hard for Katya and that we were somehow a part of it. I found out later that, indeed, another family was praying for her, and they had that same weekend felt a peace that a family would be provided for Katya. After Jon had agreed that he also felt this was what God was leading us to do, we had spent the next month freaking out, researching, checking the practical aspects of things, and wondering if we could really be supposed to adopt a little girl on the other side of the world! The answer kept seeming like "Yes," and there were many signs along the way that helped strengthen our faith enough to move forward.

Still, we were scared. Really scared. I've read many blogs of these amazing families who've adopted several kids with special needs and are so faithful and courageous and joyful, but we are more the types who need to be dragged into God's plan, I think. The only thing we've got going for us is that we sincerely want to do God's will and want to what's right.

Anyways, we committed to try to adopt her, and only 2 days later found out that there are some things going on in Katya's country that are leading some to believe that intercountry adoptions may be shut down (for at least a certain period of time) and that this may happen in September or October, or even earlier. We had estimated that we would travel in October, so if things did shut down earlier, we might lose our chance to get Katya before she is institutionalized or lose our chance to get her at all!

We prayed again and decided to keep trying, even with the risk. But now we have to MOVE FAST. We also realize that this will make it more difficult to raise or save enough funds for the trip, as we will simply have less time. It will also just be very hard to get everything done fast enough, and there are many agencies and people involved who will have to also move fast if we are to get her before September. But we are going to try our very best because we cannot just quit on Katya's chance at being saved from her circumstances.

So that's the story in a nutshell. I didn't even really post anything about Katya, but I will tomorrow.