Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

Of course we've all heard the saying "Hurry up and wait," and it is especially familiar to those who have adopted. This being my first adoption, I am certainly feeling what it's like to be frantic and still all at once, and I cannot say that I really like the experience. It's not just the physical hurrying followed by a period of physical waiting. It's the constant sense of urgency to save Katya combined with the knowledge that I am completely helpless to do it quickly. I think maybe this relates to our "fight or flight" instincts that get us all revved up and full of adrenaline when there is an imminent situation at hand. "Katya NEEDS to be rescued right NOW," says my autonomic nervous system, but my brain says, "There is no way you can move faster. Your actions can't make this go any faster." But the constant "fight" mode my body is in is draining. A normal "fight" or rescue may take hours at best, and then the body and mind can rest and rejuvenate. But this could take much, much longer.

When I was expecting to have Katya in September, my body was in super adrenaline mode, and I was thinking non-stop about every detail that needed taken care of. Now that things are so sticky and chances of getting her anytime soon are slim, I feel like my adrenaline cycle has gotten thrown out of whack. And I don't know if I should spend 4 hours a day learning Russian, start preparing Sara for a sister to arrive, start buying furniture for Katya's (shared) room, and raise funds ceaselessly OR if I can do all these things as they are needed but also just have some time to relax and prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It truly is a crazy experience, this not knowing when Katya may be able to come home.

Not too much new news otherwise. We are pretty set on most of our home study paperwork. Our Ohio background checks, which I requested well over a month ago have not been received yet, though. I don't think it was supposed to take this long. We have a fire inspection and two vet appointments Friday. Then Tuesday is our home study visit, and Wednesday is our Immigration Services fingerprints appointment.

1 comment:

  1. I well remember the feeling. It was a year from the time we first started our process for Kristina till we got home with her. We saw her in Feb/March and couldn't come back until August for her. The waiting was almost unbearable at times, and when it finally reached the point where I thought I'd break, God gave us our court date!