I've been having a very hard time writing anything on the blog the past few weeks. I think it is because I have been feeling discouraged. All of the little things that have been happening which will make adopting Katya more difficult have added up to me feeling disheartened. By no means am I disheartened enough to give up, but I am feeling tired and numb. I think that maybe my heart has gone into self-protect mode, realizing that something might stop this adoption and not being able to bear the thought of Katya never having a family and growing up in an institution with no future.

Or maybe, and I think more likely, I have realized the obvious fact that by giving Katya a home, I am only helping 1 out of millions of suffering children. I think that when we first decided to adopt Katya, I was able to funnel all of my energies into the process, thus pushing aside momentarily my burden for the countless abused and neglected children around the world. But after many long days of hearing many sad stories (I'm a child therapist), I am ever reminded that nothing I can do will fix the awful truth that children are abandoned and mistreated everyday. And giving Katya a good home will not necessarily help the many other children left behind.

But that is why some wise people remind us that adoption cannot be just a mission, and I know this. But for me it is a mission, as well as a wonderful journey to adopt the child that I believe is meant to be my daughter.

And I also need to try to remember that, though I cannot save all the little children that I work with and even more so, all of the orphans and homeless children around the world, we as a whole can make a difference in their lives. We as a family can make a difference, we as a church can make a difference, and we as a society can make a difference. As soon as we are willing to place value on children and to remember that each of their lives is sacred and special AND as soon as we are willing to actually DO something about these sentiments, then we can make a difference. When I don't know what else to do, I lean towards melancholy and, though I am ashamed of it, apathy. But I do believe that there is hope and that I need to pray for the energy and stamina to do my part. And I hope that each of you will to.