I am feeling really sad about the news I posted yesterday. I don't want Katya to have to wait any longer for a family; every month is such a long time when you've only lived for 4 years. When I thought we'd get her in September, there was so much to prepare so quickly that I had very little time to think about Katya being in the orphanage. But now that it may be what seems like forever until we can go to her, I feel so helpless and so sad for her. And somehow she has become much more real to me, and I feel like she is already a part of our family. And I just want to get to her before her development is any further delayed or before any more psychological damage is done. But I know that it is not in my control.

But we're praying for her and thinking of her all of the time. Even Sara is pretending to write her letters. Yesterday, she spoke as she scribbled, "For Katya- Love you." It is amazing to me that my 20 month old comprehends so much of this process. And I can't wait for her to have a sister.

Some "Not So Good" News (But Also an Exciting Opportunity)

Apparently, back in February a new policy in Katya's country reduced the number of diseases that allow for an expedited dossier submission. The new list has only 12 conditions on it, and Katya's is not one of them. What this basically means it that, where Katya did have a chance of being adopted before her transfer to the institution and before her country (possibly) halts adoptions for awhile, there is now a much smaller chance that this will happen. If we do not somehow get around the new policy, we are probably looking at something like February, 2010 to bring Katya home instead of September, 2009 like we originally thought. So this is really bad news for Katya. We are hoping that a new policy will be passed soon (supposedly one is in the works) and that the orphanage director at the "baby house" where Katya now lives will hold her there for us and not allow her to be transferred to an institution when she turns 5. Please pray for this and for Katya's health and psychological well-being in the meantime.

On a positive note, I have been meaning to talk about a very special medical missions trip for quite a while now. It is called Little Loaves and Fishes and has been coordinated by a wonderful woman name Hope Anne who has prayed for Katya for quite sometime. Inspired by Katya's situation, she has recruited 2 doctor to travel to Katya's orphanage and to help with the medical needs of the children there! She is hoping to travel as soon as possible but is still trying to raise all of the funds needed to send the 2 doctors and a helper. I think that she needs to raise about $3500 still. You can donate at http://mysite.verizon.net/resss9if/torussiandbackagain/donate.html using Paypal and can read more about the trip there.

I am personally very excited about the trip now more than ever. I am hoping that Hope Anne can talk to the orphanage director to assure him that family is coming for Katya. I am also hoping that the doctors can do something to help with any pain that Katya is experiencing. And, of course, the doctors and Hope Anne can give Katya a lot of love and pray over her. That will be very comforting to me. And maybe this medical trip will be the first of many that can really help these kids!

I realize that a few people who read the blog don't know me or my family in "real life," so thought I'd give a quick introduction. I really appreciate the fact that some people are following the adoption because they knew about, loved, and prayed for Katya even before we had committed to adopting her. There is one very special story that involved someone praying for Katya well before I had even thought about adopting, but I am going to save that story for it's own post because it is really awesome.

Anyways, Jon and I have been married for 6 years. We have lived in quite a few places around Ohio (and a brief stint in Pennsylvania) since getting married. Jon went to Penn State and is a loyal fan. I went to Liberty in Virginia and just loved the beautiful mountains and the slightly more laid back lifestyle. I HATE driving in snow and didn't have to deal with snow very much in Virginia, but for some reason we can't seem to move out of Ohio (though we've tried many times!). Jon's degree was in Hotel and Restaurant Mngt, and he worked in that for awhile and didn't really like it. Now he drives around all day and inspects properties, which he likes a lot. I have an M.Ed. in Counseling and currently work part-time as a therapist for kids with Asperger's or Autism. Jon and I also have an amazing, silly, active and very talkative daughter. She is 20 months old, and we love her beyond words. We have so much love for her, in fact, that we knew it was just too much love not to be shared with another child. That is a big part of why we want to adopt Katya. And she will add even MORE love.

I think I covered all the basics. And I do thank everyone who takes the time to read this and those who have offered such wonderful words of encouragement to us in this journey.

Oh, by the way, we received out finger print appt dates today in the mail. The appt will be May 27, the day after our one and only in-home social worker visit. Once the homestudy and fingerprints are turned into the Immigration Services office, we will be well on our way to getting the form we need from Immigration Services, and then all we have to do is submit the dossier!

I found these pictures at the Life 2 Orphans website. They were taken in January 2007 during a medical outreach trip. Isn't she so precious?

I neglected to provide an update about Katya's adoption earlier so I will now. Just the nitty gritty details.

Tomorrow is Jon's doctor's appointment to get needed papers signed. The requirements for Katya's country are very strange, and Jon's doctor acted taken aback when he described them to her. So we're hoping she'll cooperate tomorrow. We're also hoping to apply for our passports tomorrow.

My brother has volunteered to help with fundraising and is going to make some calls to his football and music friends to see what he can get them to donate. Then we're planning to sell what he collects on e-bay. I have a few other fundraising ideas, too. Some friends from Facebook have already generously donated, which was really unexpected and made me feel good. I also found out that the state has a $1500 tax credit on top of the federal tax credit; it may take a couple of years to collect the money back from our taxes, but that makes taking a loan feel a little less risky. So money stuff is looking pretty good, relatievly speaking, I'd say. And thanks to everyone who has already helped out!

Also, I have been doing lots of "researching" about Katya's medical issues ("researching" means "googling"). And I really feel that Katya may not have Crouzon's Syndrome at all, which is her given diagnosis. From looking at lots of pictures and making connections between lots of articles and websites I've perused, I actually think she might have plagiocephaly with torticollis and possibly hip-joint dysplasia. Overall, this is GREAT news. It means that her brain growth has probably not been affected. Also, she can probably have a very simple neck surgery to correct the torticollis (sideways neck), which probably caused the plagiocephay (misshapen head). The sad thing is that this all would have been very likely correctable when she was an infant without any surgery at all had she received appropriate therapies.

So that's it. And we are just praying all will go smoothly and quickly.

Sweet Reality

I am enjoying a perfect hour, lounging on my parents' couch on the porch while Sara sleeps, feeling the wind sweep past me, and savoring dark chocolate and coffee with real, full-fat cream. Close to perfection.

Although whenever Sara sleeps, I have this slight anxiety that something will interrupt her sleep too early and that the enjoyment will come to an abrupt halt with no gentle segue back to reality. I need a transition and nothing irritates me more than when moments I have looked forward to and allowed to become larger than life in my mind are unpleasantly disturbed by the things I can't control.

It's hard to decide sometimes if the wonderful experience of savoring a moment so much that I can't bear to see it part (as well as thinking over and over again ahead of time just how wonderful I expect the experience to be) is worth anxiety of trying to control my everything and the utter disappointment when (of course!) each and every time I cannot. Over the years, I have decided more and more to trade the feelings of excitement for those of a relaxed and laissez faire lifestyle. I have missed my time romanticizing but have not missed the anxiety one bit.

Sorry for that 3 paragraph tangent. It kind of ties into the adoption, though. I guess that anything can. I have tried not to overly romanticize the forthcoming experience of meeting Katya for the first time, so as not to have to suffer the anxiety of over planning and acting rigid and uptight trying to make things go my way while I'm overseas. I am figuring that if I don't expect much, I'll be better able to just go with flow. But I do long for that moment that I can hug and hold Katya and just let her know that finally she has a family who will love her and take care of her. I worry about her medical needs and her emotional needs and worry that she might be in pain all the time because of her neck being to one side all of the time. But I just don't let myself think about it too much.

Well, the phone rang and the dogs started barking. My perfection has come to an end. Back to sweet reality.

Happy Mother's Day! I was able to spend my day with both my mother and my grandmother, and it was a wonderful day. My brother grilled pizzas and really good turkey burgers for an early dinner. It was awesome food, and my brother is a great cook. I really just have a great family overall, and I cannot imagine life without them. Honestly, one of the reasons that I feel so comfortable adopting is because of the amazing people that I know will love my future child. My parents and grandmother have given so much love and time to Sara, and I know that they will do the same for Katya. They have sacrificed their time, money, emotional and physical energy in order to show their love to my daughter (and to me, my brother, and my husband). They are incredibly generous, full of life and laughter, flexible and inexhaustible, talented educators, and just amazing people! But most important, they have so much love and freely give it away. And I feel that there is just too much love to keep it all to ourselves. There is plenty more for another family member. And I am so excited for Katya to be able to be a part of our family. I am truly blessed.