The End of the Road

This is a very sad post, and I am not looking forward to writing it. We have officially come to the end of the road with the adoption, at least at this point. We have been told that even if the Ministry of Health would grant us special approval to adopt (because the minor issue we spoke of before would show up on a medical form), we would still have a chance of being told we cannot complete the adoption by the judge. By the time we went to court to finalize the adoption, we would have been in Katya's country for several weeks and have spent a significant amount of time with her. We also would have spent the majority of the money needed for the entire adoption, all with the risk that we could not bring her home at all. So we feel that it is unwise for us to continue and that it is better for Katya that we allow another family the chance to adopt her instead of spending many months in the process of trying while "holding" her only for ourselves.

This has been heartbreaking, to say the least. We feel that somehow God has a plan for Katya and for our family and that this whole situation can be used for His good. Already, the wonderful people at Reece's Rainbow have suggested that they are making efforts to change the system in Katya's country (not an easy task, to be sure) so that the problem we ran into won't stop others from adopting or at least so that others might know that they are ineligible before starting the adoption process.

Thank you, everyone, for reading this blog, for leaving us encouraging messages, for praying for us, and for donating to our adoption. All money that was donated will stay in Katya's grant fund for the family who decides to adopt her or will be donated to the medical trip taking place to help Katya and others in her orphanage.

I will keep this blog going for now to update on the medical trip and on whether or not a family has been found for Katya. Maybe someone who is reading this blog is that family. And I certainly know that many of you are praying for Katya and will continue to pray for her.

Update

I am going to try to provide an update, but once again, it is going to have to be vague. There is a particular issue that is likely to prevent Jon and me from being candidates for adopting from Katya's country. We aren't comfortable putting the issue on our blog in general because it is a public blog, but it is not at all a big deal from a US perspective. As a matter of fact, it is nothing that I ever imagined would be a problem for us, so we were completely surprised a month ago to find out that it could be a problem. We had already finished the home study, filed our INS application, etc. and had never come across this issue as being a problem. It seems that Katya's country doesn't make easily accessible rules and regulations that allow perspective couples to know these kinds of things in advance.

Since that point when I first wrote about the possible roadblock, people from Reece's Rainbow have been working hard with the in-country facilitator to try and find a way around our problem. So we have had a week of believing our chances of adopting Katya are completely "0", then a week believing that it still might be able to happen because of some new information, then another week finding out that it might possibly happen but that the chances are quite low. At this point, we are waiting once again for the in-country contact to check on one final thing that might possibly help. But just to be honest, it is not looking very good.

This has been heart wrenching for us, and I am sometimes coping ok and other times not well at all. Last week, Jon and I felt that there was not enough chance of us being able to go forward to even keep trying. We felt it would be better to let Katya be posted as "available" again on the RR site again, so that a family with a better chance could try to adopt her. Today, we're not sure. We keep thinking, "What if? What if we quit trying and no one adopts her? What if we quit now and there is a way we just haven't thought if?" And I've been trying to figure out how long to fight and when to surrender. And I just don't know. I really don't know.

So please pray for us, and even more importantly, pray for Katya. We don't want to abandon her. We also don't know how much longer we can fight for something that seems impossible instead of letting it rest.

I just wanted to post quickly to say that there are still no updates. Hopefully soon!

Since I posted last week, a lot has happened. I am not going to go into all of the details here on the blog, but we have run into a MAJOR bump in the road, the type of bump that may become a complete road block. Currently, we are waiting to hear back from our in-country contact about any possible way to work around this. Thank you so much to everyone who has already expressed concern and support for us during this time (most of you without even knowing of our most recent obstacle!); it means so much to us to have this support. Please pray that God's will be done and that if a decision from us becomes required as options arise, that we will make the right decision. We know we need to stay close to God during this time so that we can clearly receive His guidance, so pray that we will be able to do this.

I think that's all I'll say for now, but we are more than happy to discuss the details privately with anyone. Thank you again for your prayers and love and support. I will update as there is news.

I've been having a very hard time writing anything on the blog the past few weeks. I think it is because I have been feeling discouraged. All of the little things that have been happening which will make adopting Katya more difficult have added up to me feeling disheartened. By no means am I disheartened enough to give up, but I am feeling tired and numb. I think that maybe my heart has gone into self-protect mode, realizing that something might stop this adoption and not being able to bear the thought of Katya never having a family and growing up in an institution with no future.

Or maybe, and I think more likely, I have realized the obvious fact that by giving Katya a home, I am only helping 1 out of millions of suffering children. I think that when we first decided to adopt Katya, I was able to funnel all of my energies into the process, thus pushing aside momentarily my burden for the countless abused and neglected children around the world. But after many long days of hearing many sad stories (I'm a child therapist), I am ever reminded that nothing I can do will fix the awful truth that children are abandoned and mistreated everyday. And giving Katya a good home will not necessarily help the many other children left behind.

But that is why some wise people remind us that adoption cannot be just a mission, and I know this. But for me it is a mission, as well as a wonderful journey to adopt the child that I believe is meant to be my daughter.

And I also need to try to remember that, though I cannot save all the little children that I work with and even more so, all of the orphans and homeless children around the world, we as a whole can make a difference in their lives. We as a family can make a difference, we as a church can make a difference, and we as a society can make a difference. As soon as we are willing to place value on children and to remember that each of their lives is sacred and special AND as soon as we are willing to actually DO something about these sentiments, then we can make a difference. When I don't know what else to do, I lean towards melancholy and, though I am ashamed of it, apathy. But I do believe that there is hope and that I need to pray for the energy and stamina to do my part. And I hope that each of you will to.

Well, tomorrow was expected to be a big day for families hoping to adopt from Katya's country, as we were told that the bill that could put a moratorium on international adoptions was up to be voted on tomorrow. But I have recently heard that no such thing is going to happen and that this proposed bill has disappeared altogether. (Of course, everything I find out is rumor to some extent.) But this is very good news for now!

We are still dealing with the fact that Katya's disability is not listed as a condition that would help her to be adopted sooner (instead of waiting months and months for a dossier submission date), but we can only pray and hope for now. We have heard that there is also a bill waiting to be approved that could change this, also.

We had our homestudy visit last week, and it went well, I think. It really only consisted of an interview with Jon and myself and a quick inspection of our home. The social worker was very positive and let us know that she'd send a draft of the homestudy when it was completed. So I'm thinking that all went well.

The only downside of the homestudy being pretty much done is that I now feel the urgent need to get organized and start gathering everything I need for the dossier. Some of the requirements seem quite obscure and, to be honest, I am feeling a little frazzled and burnt out before even getting started. But I am taking a couple days away with my mom this weekend to pray, think, and talk, so I am hoping that I will come back rejuvenated and ready to get to work!

Hurry Up and Wait

Of course we've all heard the saying "Hurry up and wait," and it is especially familiar to those who have adopted. This being my first adoption, I am certainly feeling what it's like to be frantic and still all at once, and I cannot say that I really like the experience. It's not just the physical hurrying followed by a period of physical waiting. It's the constant sense of urgency to save Katya combined with the knowledge that I am completely helpless to do it quickly. I think maybe this relates to our "fight or flight" instincts that get us all revved up and full of adrenaline when there is an imminent situation at hand. "Katya NEEDS to be rescued right NOW," says my autonomic nervous system, but my brain says, "There is no way you can move faster. Your actions can't make this go any faster." But the constant "fight" mode my body is in is draining. A normal "fight" or rescue may take hours at best, and then the body and mind can rest and rejuvenate. But this could take much, much longer.

When I was expecting to have Katya in September, my body was in super adrenaline mode, and I was thinking non-stop about every detail that needed taken care of. Now that things are so sticky and chances of getting her anytime soon are slim, I feel like my adrenaline cycle has gotten thrown out of whack. And I don't know if I should spend 4 hours a day learning Russian, start preparing Sara for a sister to arrive, start buying furniture for Katya's (shared) room, and raise funds ceaselessly OR if I can do all these things as they are needed but also just have some time to relax and prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It truly is a crazy experience, this not knowing when Katya may be able to come home.

Not too much new news otherwise. We are pretty set on most of our home study paperwork. Our Ohio background checks, which I requested well over a month ago have not been received yet, though. I don't think it was supposed to take this long. We have a fire inspection and two vet appointments Friday. Then Tuesday is our home study visit, and Wednesday is our Immigration Services fingerprints appointment.